Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Last blog before trial(probably)

Ok, let's start from the 19/7/15 , The Champion Group Meeting  actually this meeting is just waste of time and money  no one is studying though, everyone is playing with phone ahahahaha  then i went back home early. Okay, i wanna complaint that this papa don't want to accompany me and went back to find ker ryn and he left me and ji ming in the restaurant alone zzz. This was awkward because i have ntg to talk to Ji Ming when he told me lots of stuffs  feel kinda not polite haih. Jeff's phone charger spoilt on that day too.I cried the whole afternoon until i watch BOSS&ME. Zhang Han had made me smile a lot as he let me remind of Jeff also treat me this way  Jeff, if u are reading this post, then i wanna tell u hor, i love Zhang Han so much because the way he treat his girl is like the way u sayang me  so u don't jealous dyy la 
Btw, i just received my bracelets today.i love them so much that i wanna buy all bracelets in different colour. But i don't have enough money  Adrian bought one for Ker Ryn, i am so jealous  I also want la...i will save money and buy for myself de  stalk the bracelet page since after school and there are many bracelet that i wanna buy.  After SPM, i will make my own bracelet and sell, teehee 
Isn't them beautiful? 5 colours to choose from, makes me wanna buy them all 

Monday, 6 July 2015

6/7/15

Today is a sad day.

Don't know since when, u changed le....last time if u didn't receive my msg in half an hour, u will keep msg me until u reach me, now, u don't even care abt receiving my msg. En, msg is not important to u, but it is important to me. I care about u too much, love u more than u love me....until u take my love for u for granted.

Jeff, i won't care and love u so much le....i want give up le...i am tired for caring and hurting, again and again....i asked u if u don't love me dyy, u couldn't answer me, but just scolding me 😊

Maybe God want me to let go le, but i can't do that .....that heart breaking feeling, can u feel that? No, i think u have no feeling😀

Jeff, maybe one day u will find someone that u care a lot, i hope by that time u can understand my feelings😊

Monday, 15 June 2015

16/6

After a month, I am back here. I seldom write blog this year ,but i wanna write smtg here tonight....

Me and him? I don't know how to carry on this relationship anymore. Our relationship is getting worse. He didn't treat me the same way he used to be anymore.

Flashback to when we just started the relationship, i was treated like a treasure, i want study at night,he will accompany me the whole night didn't slp and stay awake till the next morning .When we Skype, we always Skype till almost the next morning and he never ask for slp. But now everything has changed. Slp has went important than me, yup, ME!

And i really wanna express everything here, HENG SONG JEFF, do u know that i am hurt? Do u know that i said commit suicide i really mean it? I took a blade but i don't know where to cut! I never have the commit suicide feeling when i am in a relationship with others, NO! this prove what? U hurt me very deeply!!! When u check ur results and u don't even bother to check mine. When u wanna slp and u can be so rude towards me....is this call as love me? Izit?!

Why do we always argue and fight? If u know how to understand me, all this would have avoided. When i am sad, what i need is someone to accompany, but u want slp.when i cry, what i need is a call and say are u okay, but u leave me alone. When i am sleepless, what i need is don't worry u will have me with u this whole night.Why u just can't do it now and the form 4 u can?! Arghhh, why u have to chg!!!! If u really love me everything like this should be automatically done by u!!!!

I hope u really chg urself better !!! when i am learning to tolerate u treating other girls good !!! I am trying and u didn't put in efforts, how to maintain a relationship if like that zzz!!!!! Arghhh, i want us to be good!!!@

Friday, 15 May 2015

16/5

Hello blog, haven't been updating you for a long time.

I know my result won't be good anyway, i will work hard next time ^^

Mummy doesn't want to help me photostat, she said that is too much and waste paper, u asked me to use a laptop, and it is so troublesome that i can't bring them to outside.mum, if i tell u this year i want photostat test paper as my birthday present can u photostat for me? Haih.

I think this year isn't a good year anyway, bad things keep happened. i hope everything will be okay

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Haih

Words cannot describe my feeling,I am just so STRESS and yet I can't do anything.

I am stress not only because of studying ,it was mainly because of parents day. When I was young,I always hoping mummy to come to my school for parents day. Because teachers would praise me and my mum will be happy. But last year,Puan Goh was scary,she told my mum everything I did in school, so I was worry about this year,is she gonna say I am in a relationship and let teacher complain? Who can help me?:(

Next,I broke my self record that study 1 month earlier before exam. BUT the time seems not enough for me to use. I've lost my form 4 foundation,I have to start over everything. Haih,but that was still okay for me,the main reason that make me feel like crying is that I don't even rmb the thing I studied one day earlier!!!! Haiz,I think I will be the last in class :( I don't want this happened,It's not that I don't want to study ,It's just stress makes my mind blank.

Another problem that bothering me is my teeth,whatever I ate,it will ache.I hate it!!! Why that I can't enjoy my meal?haih....teeth can u treat me better? Pity the miserable me please.

I hope everything will come out my way,God I hope u will help me,I promised I will be a good girl if u helped me :( please

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

29/4/15

I think me and u doesn't suit to be tgt...u love outing ,I don't....u love to join lots of stuff,I don't....we are totally opposite from each other....sometimes I feel choosing tgt with u is a wrong choice,why everytime I have to suffer myself ?I don't want us to fight anymore, so I stop telling u what I don't like about u......I hate u go here go there,u know? Telling u only making u angry of me,I don't want this happened.

Blog,u are my only listener,there are no friend that I can trusted out there.

What is love ?I don't know. I don't feel any love from anyone,sometimes I think I love ppl too much so I am hurting myself so easily.... everytime tgt with him,I feel I am disturbing him,am I?

Everyone isn't in a good mood today,me too....but no ones know,it's okay,I hope I can make u guy's day ^^

Crying myself to sleep after a long time,I am really hurt,should I continue our relationship? I can't let go,but I don't want to get hurt anymore ,how to find a compromise?:(

Sunday, 15 March 2015

0130

久违的失眠。。。。

不知道这已经是哭泣的第几天。。。我的眼泪对你而言,也许已经没有价值吧。。。你也不会心疼我对吧?

为什么每一次吵架。。。你都可以若无其事地睡觉。。。然后,在那里很难过的。。。却是我?。。。。

Wilson...u told me to have faith...like u and chu...but do u know?chu and me are different...chu is lucky to have u....mama,what can I do?:( other than u ,I have no one else to talk .....u are in college....I can't find u and talk to u about my prob...I am very sad :( mama,I hope u are always by my side , to cheer me up....to comfort me....I miss you...... :( whenever I am insomnia...u will be the one who stay awake and video call me to hear me laugh....mama,I really miss those time :( now no one else treat me like their princess :( I can't find other ppl like u....I need u to say here is my shirt I let u wipe ur tears and bi ti....here is my shoulder for u to lean on....here is ur panda mama to accompany u....or don't cry I make my cheese omelette for u... I really miss u...very very hard....

Sometimes I've been thinking...If I die...what will he feel?will he miss me?

I am just a little weak girl,with fragile heart that needed a lot of love and patience...

Panda mama,all my little post...u won't be able to see...but I wanna appreciate u here....thank you for always being there for me....I love u as ur cousin,ur daughter and ur pig....

I hope tmr u will find me...and stop fighting with me...I hope u remember that once upon a time,I told u that I am really sad when u go out....but u didn't cheer me up today...its okay....

After crying for so long,my eyes are tired....goodnight world...hope I won't have swollen eyes tmr :/

After all...blog is still the best place to express my sadness...

Friday, 13 March 2015

:( annoyed

Puan Chong suddenly asked me about him. I was shocked and scared when she told me the whole office knew it.She said both of us is too obvious. Then I remembered that my mum warned me if she catch I am in the relationship,I will be scolded and my phone will gone forever :c I had a dream in the afternoon,I dreamt that mum caught me dating with him,then she bring me home and take away my phone. I am worry that Puan Goh will tell my mum about this.....I don't wanna fail my mum,but at the same time I don't want to let go :(

What should I do now?I told him we act like friend in school ,but will this work ? Who can help me?:(

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Diary 2236

I started to hate SMKBU..when I think the teachers there don't like me...

Many female teachers don't like me I don't know why....did I do anything wrong ?did I treat u rude ? No,instead I respect all of u and I did all the work...

I know my study isn't good...but teacher,u don't have to keep mentioning that....I know u think I don't suit him and u always say I can't compared to him...teacher do u know I am really unhappy ?u don't have to talk something behind me...I really hate ppl being like that....but I don't hate u...what I hate is ur behaviour....

Puan Aminah,if u don't know my name it's okay...my name is really hard to rmb I know...but u don't have to look away whenever I saw u accidentally....and u even didn't wish me back when I wished u Good Morning teacher... I am also a human,pls give me respect okay?

I know everyone has haters....and I am used to that...haters gonna hate...but at least give respect ....

I hate BU ,I wanna leave this school but too bad I don't have that power to leave....goodnight world...

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Last Year of school life

Finally it is 12/1/2015 hahahahha yea school reopen day !!! Usually everytime before school reopen I will insomnia 'cause I am really nervous :3 So I am here now

Every year I will buy all my exercise books before the school starts,but this year ,everything isn't ready :3 transport problem still there ,haih,how I wish I can have a private driver :3 this let me think of Peng Fong that has a private driver ,cool right ?he can go wherever he wants without problem :3 hahahahahahha

This year will be slightly different because Ker Ryn isn't with me anymore :3 sad to say ,I am sorry I can't help u :/

My hair finally grew longer and can be tied .hahahahahhaha ,I have a pony tail woohoo xD

Last Year of school,glad that Ganesh chose me to be prefect board's group leader. It's just that my assistant isn't very good :3 as a group leader ,I will train u ,good luck Rammya.

SPM has been bring forward to October :3 so early haih but it also mean our holiday start early ,why not ?hahahahha .Gonna train myself to have that study habit :3 I wanna go Taylor's College!!

Thinking that after this year,all of us will be apart ,busy study busy working busy love life .... Ker Ryn said she wanted a double date which is I bring my bf she bring hers,but what if our bf become gay?hahahahahhaha just joking my Jeff won't be gay :*

After writing such a long post ,I still feel energetic. Ahhhhhh help me :3 I hope tmr uncle will fetch me to school before 7am, being a ketua I must be punctual :3 now I feel I am stressssssss !!! However,I will force myself to sleep now,goodnight

Monday, 5 January 2015

6/1/2015

Today supposed to be schooling day,but government gave one more week holiday bwahahahahahaha

I found out that I should start study from now ,but I am too addicted to my keychain craft :3 seems like only my parents can stop me from playing that hahahahahahaha

School gonna reopen ,my wish is get more pocket money as it is unfair because my sis got RM 5 for form 1 when I only get RM3 when form 1 :3 this year I hope my pocket money will increase tillRM7at least ,just two more ringgit la :(Dad said he is not gonna pay me day by day anymore ,but month by month hahahahahaha ,so I have to count wisely if not I will lose money :3

Ms Linda started chapter 2 ,and I am surprised that I understood everything I learned :3 and she said she's not gonna repeat the same thing next week even though have new students,good news right?at least I won't feel sleepy anymore. I wanna join form4 chemistry as it is FREE . Hahahahhahaha unlike ET every subject half price and must pay note fee. But I am scared form 5 life will be too pack so I am still considering about it.

Went to pasar every morning with my mum just to train myself to wake up early. However ,I will sleep back right after I came back hahahahaha I don't know how I'm gonna survive this year :3 mummy said spm chg to OCTOBER is good ,so I can enjoy my freedom earlier...yaya quite logic but less one month to prepare dyy :3

Haha,my breakfast today was Pulau Ketam Mee Hun. I've been craving maggie goreng mamak for half month :3 but no one wants to eat in mamak so.....I will eat when koko time hahahahahhaha ,I hope uncle will fetch me back after koko :3 if not I can't join anymore :(

I've forgotten something important which is thanks my aunt for giving me the yummiest butter cookies recipe !! However,I'm sorry everyone that is secret recipe created by her so I am not allowed to share . Hope when I make everything will be success!! XD hahahahahha,first secret recipe on my hand weeee feel so mystery :p

Ok la time to sleep after breakfast XD time now 7.52 am

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Jacklyn

每次伤心都变成她陪我度过。。。很感谢你成为我的聆听者,辅导者,好朋友,好兄弟。。。

我们不喜欢的东西一样,所以跟你讲话我才没那么尴尬,话也比较多。。。你不喜欢玩线上游戏的男生,我也是,你不喜欢爱外出的男生,我也是。。所以我难过的时候,最了解我的就是你。。。

我们的差别在于,我们喜欢的人性格不是很像。。。他对你,真的太好了。。。虽然现在只能变成回忆,不过至少,你们的回忆是幸福的。。。

你叫我要爱自己多一点,我还是做不到。。你叫我自己衡量该不该放手,我舍不得。。。我没你那么大的勇气找他聊天。。。

你们之间,真的是什么秘密都没有,原来他们有很多事是我不知道的哈哈哈哈 有你跟我讲故事,我也比较好睡,真的。我们每次聊天就聊到凌晨四点,很疯狂。。。

有你这个朋友,我很幸运,毕竟臭味相投的人,很少能遇见。。。我很珍惜你的到来。。。也谢谢你让我停止哭泣 哈哈哈哈

失眠的夜晚,多亏有你,否则我真的不知道该怎么办。。。

微信我暂时不开了。。。我知道那里,我一封信都不会收到。。呵呵,又是自己度过的一天。。。再见

我很想回去从前。。。

4点了。。我还没睡。。。我想起我们以前刚开始时,很开心的回忆。。。新年时,我们可以说是每天Video Call.....现在却没有了。。。跟你video call时,真的很开心,很幸福。。。然后记得有一次在学校时,你问我:"星期三要不要一起吃?" 我真的很兴奋。。。然后我们就去吃Shanmuga,你帮我拿水,你抢着跟我买单,我还记得,那时我们吃了9块钱。。。。那天,我们也一起拍了很多照片,你回家后把它换成fb profile picture ,我很开心,因为你很重视我。。。虽然我有一点怕会被我父母发现,可是我不会阻止你放我们的照片。。。慢慢的,我们的微信,都把彼此的照片换成头像。。。现在,什么都没有了。。。

以前我们在Skype,我知道你跟Adrian 玩线上游戏时,我很不开心,我挂掉了。。后来你为了我,停止玩线上游戏了。。。跟我 skype...现在的你,却不会再这样子为我了。。。

以前不管我在怎样闹脾气,你都会一直道歉,不管你有没有错,你还是会道歉。。。就算我对你的语气再冷漠,你也会低声下气要和好。。。现在的你,会反驳我,对我更冷漠。。。还直接说晚安不理我。。。

以前的你,不管做了什么,你都会说:"I will change"我说不用了,不要为了我改变你自己的时候,你会回答:"I don't want u to sad,for u I will chg ".....现在的你,是不爱我了吗?

还记得我们的电话一起被没收,我很难过。。。我留校等电话,你说你要回去了,其实我很想你留校,过后不久,你又回来了,你说你也留校,我很开心。。。然后我们四个人一起去找吃,我吃不下,满肚子胃风因为忍哭,我们去了shanmuga,我帮你点了roti telur,你吃不完了,我就吃掉剩下的,虽然那天不是开心的一天,不过因为有你,陪我度过这样难过的一天,我才没有那么难受。。。我回家了,我电话被妈妈没收,不能跟你聊天,但是那晚,我很想你。。。

有一次课外活动留校,我还记得是2月26日,我们一起去吃KFC,你多点了一个mashed potatoes,我们一起吃,然后你没吃完,我带回家。。。从KFC出去后,你问我可不可以牵我的手,然后我们就牵手了。。。你是第一个牵我手的人。。。。那天,是我人生中最美好的一天吧。。。

我很想念,有时放学后,你会来我班等我一起走。。。虽然没什么话说,可是静静的也很幸福。。。

忘了几时,你说你要我当你的 whole life partner,你的老婆, 我很惊讶,我没想过你要跟我一起到很久很久。。。然后你就叫我老婆,呵呵,那种感觉很亲切。。。

以前,我跟你说我要读书,你就等我读完书,然后我睡着了,你等我等到凌晨6点。。。那时我很心痛,你怎么那么傻,不去睡觉。。。不过这些小小的举动,真的很窝心。。。

越野赛跑时,女生先走,男生随后,我一边走路,一边等你。。。后来你追上了,我们一起走。。。。一路上,我们都很害羞,不过至少我们很快乐。。。回校后,你买了水给我,我很感动,谢谢你。。。

Chemistry Extra Class时,有其中一天我必须留校到6点等父母载,你知道了,也留校陪我,我们一起在图书馆,然后去食堂。。再一起去校门口等父母来。。。

不知道什么节日,你买了零食放在我桌上,我很惊喜,不过我不可以要你花钱,所以我还你钱。。。spbt jualan,你买了水果塔和巧克力给我,谢谢你,不过我还是还你钱,因为我不想欠你什么。。。也不想你浪费钱。。。

中秋晚会之前,我收到消息知道依琳要追回你,我很难过,我吃醋,我害怕。。。谢谢你跟我说,你只爱我一个。。。然后我们一起在学校,很开心的过中秋。。。

我跟Ker Ryn吵架时,我没朋友了,你陪我。。。化学补习,你陪我坐。。。可惜,现在只剩我孤零零一个。。。知道你不补了,我很伤心,我以为你会陪我补到毕业。。。算了,这是你的选择,我不能插手。。。我慢慢地也习惯了我自己一个人补习。。。

我在补习冷到发抖,你用书包盖我脚。。谢谢你的照顾。。。

我们之前真的很开心,为什么现在就回不去?以前会迁就我的你在哪里? 现在我无理取闹,你已经没有以前的耐心。。。你的回复都是冷漠的。。。我爱吵架,是因为我还在期待以前的那个你出现。。不过每一次,希望都落空,我也越来越没安全感。。。你知道吗?我想念的,是以前的你。。你回来好吗?也许你是因为被我伤得太重,才变的。。。很对不起。。。

我不喜欢爱出去男生的另外一个原因,是因为不能联络了,一旦出去了,就会不记得我。。。一个人在家想念一个外出的人,很痛苦。。。就像今晚,足足等了你上线信息我6个小时,以为你真的会上网,到最后,失望的只是自己。。。当你真的到家了,我们吵架了。。。我真的很想知道,外出真的重要过我的快乐吗? 我每次都很想参与很多活动,但是一想到不能联络你很多小时,我就放弃了。。。你不能为了我少出去吗?留在家跟我聊天真的有那么闷吗? 如果你觉得我很烦人,很爱控制你,很自私,那我道歉。。。我不会管你了。。。希望你在没有我的时刻,你会更快乐。。。

我有很多话,要跟你说要跟你谈,可是你却回了我Goodnight,心碎的感觉,你懂吗?我也很想快乐地跟你聊天,我也很想我们sweet sweet,可是我心结打不开,就是打不开,解开的方法只有一个,就是你不外出,但是我知道你不会答应我。。。我也不会束缚你的自由。。。所以这个心结,我只能靠自己解。。。

别一直把我推给别的男生,我不喜欢他们。。。也不要一直叫我跟他们做朋友,我决定为你避开他们,我就不会不遵守约定,我不要你吃醋,我不要你难过。。。就算有再好的男生追求我,不喜欢就是不喜欢,不爱就是不爱,没感觉就是没感觉,你懂吗?

写了一篇废话,6点了,我还没睡,我很想你哄回我,可是我知道你不会。。。写了这片部落格,写出我心声,不过现实跟虚拟世界有太大分别,我的梦,永远实现不了,是时候醒了:3 写了这篇,你会要跟我和好吗?不会。你会停止冷漠对我吗?不会。你会早起陪我吗?不会。。。我知道现在的你只想越睡越久来逃避我。。。哭到6点,我也蛮厉害的嘛 。。。当做减减肥吧。。。够了,哭一次就够了,你很爱哭啊 哈哈哈哈 我只希望你会爱我到永远,疼我到永远,陪我到永远,虽然一切都很遥远。。。我相信你对我的承诺,你一定会兑现吧?我等你! 也求你不要冷漠对我,无视我。。。因为你对我来说,真的很重要,虽然你不把我看的很重要,我爱你就够了。。。我累了,晚安吧。。。